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Proud Mum Alert

  • Jul. 25th, 2008 at 11:32 AM
Tigs
My son brought home all his school stuff home as it is the end of the school year.
In amongst it was this poem. Some of the lines/imagery are excellent.


Stepping out to the frosty field with tinkly lights of stars,
I could feel and hear rushing wind like racing cars following a track.
Ahead of me there is a sun rising,
Robins tweeting a song with my feet treading as they beat a rhythm.

In the air I could smell the cold and it took my breath away,
There is a snow carpet with an ice edge,
I could hear crunching sounds as like i'm on ice with it breaking apart.

I picked up some snow and made a snowman it looked alive,
There was a smokey smell in the air as if there were a fire,
I felt ice running down my hand as a river valley on my hand.

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Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]leesa_perrie wrote:
Jul. 25th, 2008 11:02 am (UTC)
That's a really good poem, especially for his age. Which son was it, older or younger? If it's younger than I'm even more impressed!

You could have a real talent on your hands here. That's better than a lot of crap that is published in magazines!
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 25th, 2008 11:47 am (UTC)
It my eldest - 11 years old. From the looks of it, it has probably been hiding in his backpack for a while.

I love the last line especially.
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[info]shansgrl wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
Wow! That's really great for an 11 year old...I'm 35 and wouldn't be able to do that well.

I hope he continues to write, he is showing great promise.
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your comment. I agree too.
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[info]lysambre wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
I'm very impressed with the imagery of this poem and would honestly not have thought it was written by such a young writer.

You should definitely encourage him to write more :).
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
I would encourage him to write more, if I could drag him away from the playstation! His favourite games are car ones. You can tell by the racing car line :)

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[info]barcardicider wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 07:01 pm (UTC)
Poem
I have to agree with the other comments, this is excellent work from one so young. An imagination to be encourged.

Well done
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 07:33 pm (UTC)
I thought it was excellent too. Thank you for commenting you've made me and my son very happy.
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[info]rosiewook wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
I actually saw myself out in a cold, frosty field.

Your son has a lot of talent! I hope he continues to explore this art. It would be a shame not to develop it.
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
So did I when I read it.

He's gone to bed now, i'll show him all your kind comments tomorrow :)
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[info]wolfenm wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC)
Ah, how I miss cold winters, now that I live in Florida -- this poem brought back memories! Thank-you! :)
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 26th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
Glad he was able to help you with your memories.

Thanks for the comment. I'll make sure he sees it in the morning. He'll be mega happy. Thanks.

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[info]scruffnstuff wrote:
Jul. 27th, 2008 10:04 am (UTC)
I can definitely picture the scene and hear the snow crunching underfoot! Well done! Keep up the good work!
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 27th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)

Me too :)

Mega thanks for the comment :) :) :) :)

Love the picture of the dog in your icon. I grew up with black dogs (well, 2 of them anyway). Is it me, or are black dogs always very intelligent? :)
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[info]scruffnstuff wrote:
Jul. 28th, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks. The pic is of my Fur-niece, Pepper! She is much bigger now but I can't get my brother to keep up with sending me photos! They picked her cos she was the most alert in the litter and has kept them on their toes ever since!
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[info]kdvb1 wrote:
Jul. 27th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
Terrific Poem!
I love that poem! I can just feel the crunch of the snow under my boots, feel the cold crisp bite of the air on my face, and remember all the snowmen I have made in the past! Living in Florida like I do, this poem has brought back all kinds of wonderful cold memories for me. Oooooh.....I just thought of the snow angels I made too! And, the snow forts...those were fun...and sledding. *big sigh* It is so hot out today...I really miss living up north!

Thanks so much for the wonderful poem...it really brought me down memory lane!

Kimberly
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Jul. 27th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Terrific Poem!

My son has never been sledding. He says he wish he could have a go. Trouble with the south of England, the snow never stays here long, the rain does, but not the snow.

Thank you for the comment. Very, very appreciated.
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[info]mckaysmirth wrote:
Jul. 28th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
Frosty Morning Poem
I loved it!! Very atmospheric, he put you in that place with just words. I hope he enjoyed writing it as much as I enjoyed reading it because the boy had a lotta potential in my eyes. Best of luck with it.

I liked the middle paragraph best and I loved 'my feet treading as they beat a rhythm'.

M xx
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Aug. 15th, 2008 08:44 am (UTC)
Re: Frosty Morning Poem

Glad you enjoyed it. You've made my son very happy with your comment :)
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[info]mackenziesmomma wrote:
Jul. 28th, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC)
Jayne-

Tell your son that this is an amazing piece of writing and he should continue on with it(the writing). I started out when I was young doing short stuff like this and its a good way to hone your skills for other things as well. I could feel like I'm in that place though!
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[info]jayne_perry wrote:
Aug. 15th, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
Sorry for the delay in replying. Summer holidays always throw me.

Many thank for your wonderful comment.

I will always love this poem :D
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( 21 comments — Leave a comment )